Tina's Arena | Transcript: 12: Self-Worth

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Speaker 2
Talking in slow motion. And I just cannot. I cannot. So this is my normal talking speed. And if you're listening to this at two times speed, that must be crazy. Anyways, what was my question? How do I.

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Speaker 1
Develop thick.

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Speaker 2
Skin and why did that come up in my head? Because as I am I talking about this too much. But somebody on my Facebook.

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Speaker 1
A few weeks ago said.

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Speaker 2
I was canceled because.

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Speaker 1
I posted a.

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Speaker 2
Professional photo of me and he said.

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Speaker 1
What was my post about?

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Speaker 2
My post was about eating disorders and my healing journey and whatever. And he was saying that I was immediately canceled because.

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Speaker 1
I posted a.

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Speaker 2
Professional.

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Speaker 1
Photo while.

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Speaker 2
Claiming to not care about.

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Speaker 1
My looks or whatever.

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Speaker 2
I'm healed, claiming to be healed. And I, number one, never claim to not care.

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Speaker 1
About my looks. Hello. Eating disorders.

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Speaker 2
And number.

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Speaker 1
Two.

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Speaker 2
Like I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1
That I posted a.

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Speaker 2
Professional.

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Speaker 1
Photo.

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Speaker 2
I don't know. Why did this come up again? yeah.

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Speaker 1
Because if you're watching.

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Speaker 2
Me on YouTube right now.

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Speaker 1
I look like a hot mess.

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Speaker 2
In my eyes. Anyway, you just came from the gym.

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Speaker 1
My hair could.

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Speaker 2
Be cleaner, and I'm not wearing any makeup. And I was brushing my.

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Speaker 1
Hair out.

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Speaker 2
Off camera just earlier than this. I am a mess that I have not cleaned myself.

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Speaker 1
There's stuff here. In no way have I ever.

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Speaker 2
Claimed to be.

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Speaker 1
Perfect.

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Speaker 2
And in no way.

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Speaker 1
Have I ever.

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Speaker 2
Claims to be.

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Speaker 1
Completely healed or the person.

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Speaker 2
With all of the answers. I think if you know me, then you know.

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Speaker 1
That I.

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Speaker 2
Question everything. I question myself.

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Speaker 1
All of.

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Speaker 2
The time. And look at me. I show.

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Speaker 1
Up as is a lot of.

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Speaker 2
Time.

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Speaker 1
Because I don't.

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Speaker 2
Think.

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Speaker 1
It's fair to perpetuate.

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Speaker 2
This image that perfection is.

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Speaker 1
Reality.

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Speaker 2
I that broke me, that broke me when I was the one that was consuming content because I was comparing myself to everyone else's perfection and their.

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Speaker 1
Screen.

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Speaker 2
That they put online.

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Speaker 1
And I thought that I was.

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Speaker 2
Just immensely broken and I had so much work to do in order to compare myself to all of them. So I don't.

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Speaker 1
Ever try to look too perfect.

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Speaker 2
Online. I don't think well, I mean.

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Speaker 1
I've posted photos.

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Speaker 2
And videos of makeup and stuff, but I mean, I don't.

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Speaker 1
Ever try to.

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Speaker 2
Claim to.

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Speaker 1
Be the perfect.

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Speaker 2
Person with all of the answers because I think that's wrong. And anyone that.

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Speaker 1
Has that persona, you should really.

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Speaker 2
Question them and you should.

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Speaker 1
Really.

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Speaker 2
Maybe not.

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Speaker 1
Follow that.

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Speaker 2
Person anymore because.

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Speaker 1
Are they good for you? I don't know.

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Speaker 2
So again, I don't know if I've been talking about this guy too much. This guy kind of got to me because he wasn't a complete random Internet troll. But again, I'm learning and I'm growing.

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Speaker 1
And I guess.

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Speaker 2
I guess I've been putting.

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Speaker 1
The power.

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Speaker 2
My power in other people's hands for so long that I'm still kind of learning how to take back, take it back and I don't. So my thing is that I.

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Speaker 1
Grew up.

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Speaker 2
Pretty neglected. I was never starving, but I was emotionally neglected and I didn't learn a lot of things, which is like, I'm not blaming anyone.

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Speaker 1
It's what was that saying?

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Speaker 2
Like, it's not your.

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Speaker 1
Fault, but it's definitely your problem.

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Speaker 2
Like, it's not anybody's. It's not my.

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Speaker 1
Fault.

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Speaker 2
And I don't blame.

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Speaker 1
Other people for.

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Speaker 2
Being emotionally neglected. But I'm realizing that I missed out on a lot of things. I'm going to get emotional and I'm just.

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Speaker 1
Re.

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Speaker 2
Parenting myself and relearning everything that.

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Speaker 1
I missed. Previous LI One of those things, one of those things that I realized that.

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Speaker 2
I was missing was close friendships because I wasn't.

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Speaker 1
Allowed to ever really.

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Speaker 2
Leave my house. When I was younger, I wasn't encouraged to make friends. I had cousins.

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Speaker 1
Which was great, but they were all.

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Speaker 2
Older than me.

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Speaker 1
So it wasn't really a.

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Speaker 2
Friendship kind of relationship.

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Speaker 1
But yeah, so I was.

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Speaker 2
Having dinner with my two friends one day and they grew up together.

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Speaker 1
For a very.

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Speaker 2
Long time and they were still friends just.

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Speaker 1
Like.

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Speaker 2
We were in our thirties now, and they were just talking about their childhood growing up together. All these memories and good times and such. And in that moment I.

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Speaker 1
Was like,

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Speaker 2
Shit, I didn't, I didn't have any of this.

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Speaker 1
So that was the.

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Speaker 2
Sad moment for me.

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Speaker 1
But I do have.

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Speaker 2
Great friendships.

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Speaker 1
Now. I need to stop crying because my period is coming. I think it might be so, yeah.

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Speaker 2
That was a moment for me when I.

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Speaker 1
Was like, wow.

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Speaker 2
I missed out on a lot when I grew up.

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Speaker 1
How I grew up. yeah, so that was one moment.

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Speaker 2
And then.

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Speaker 1
Lately.

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Speaker 2
My meditation teacher, she is an amazing woman, an amazing teacher, and the things I've been noticing about her.

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Speaker 1
The way she talks about herself with such.

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Speaker 2
Conviction and.

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Speaker 1
Such, knowing the way she talks about herself.

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Speaker 2
And her.

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Speaker 1
Life, her partner. It's incredible to see.

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Speaker 2
And witness because, I mean, this is my interpretation of her. I'm not going to tell you she is if you don't already know.

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Speaker 1
But like.

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Speaker 2
When she.

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Speaker 1
Talks about herself, she is so sure of her value.

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Speaker 2
And her worth and her knowledge and.

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Speaker 1
Herself.

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Speaker 2
Just everything like you can.

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Speaker 1
Completely tell.

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Speaker 2
In the way that she communicates. And it's such a contrast to me and how I communicate, because I'm always like.

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Speaker 1
I think that the like, yeah, probably.

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Speaker 2
maybe, yeah, maybe. You know, I'm.

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Speaker 1
Always.

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Speaker 2
Unsure about myself and about a lot of things and I'm always.

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Speaker 1
Flippy floppy because I don't know, I've always tried to keep the peace. So I've always.

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Speaker 2
You know.

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Speaker 1
Shifted.

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Speaker 2
My personality, I've always shifted my preferences or I didn't have preferences.

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Speaker 1
It was just.

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Speaker 2
Like, whatever you wanted to do.

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Speaker 1
I would do because that would keep the peace, right?

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Speaker 2
I was malleable. I am very malleable still. And that's really been hard for me because it's been a journey of.

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Speaker 1
Self-discovery to figure out who I really am just because I've.

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Speaker 2
Been.

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Speaker 1
So adaptive and I've had to keep the peace.

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Speaker 2
In so many ways.

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Speaker 2
So that was another thing that I've.

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Speaker 1
Realized.

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Speaker 2
Since having this meditation teacher come into my.

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Speaker 1
Life like, wow, like I.

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Speaker 2
Didn't know.

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Speaker 1
Somebody could feel that way.

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Speaker 2
About themselves. and.

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Speaker 1
I wish that I could feel so sure about myself,

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Speaker 1
which I guess ties back.

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Speaker 2
Into.

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Speaker 1
The way that I started this podcast. Like, how do I solidify my self-worth.

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Speaker 2
And how do I stop letting Internet trolls get to me.

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Speaker 1
Which I have.

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Speaker 2
Learned.

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Speaker 1
Is a practice.

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Speaker 2
In and something that I'm getting better at all of the time.

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Speaker 1
I feel more sure of myself.

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Speaker 2
Now than I did growing.

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Speaker 1
Up. So that's a start.

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Speaker 1
I think what really helps is that I've created a safe.

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Speaker 2
Environment for.

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Speaker 1
Myself. I've distanced all of the people that.

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Speaker 2
Don't allow me to express.

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Speaker 1
Myself.

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Speaker 1
All the people.

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Speaker 2
In my.

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Speaker 1
Life into all the people.

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Speaker 2
In my life right now, or.

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Speaker 1
Really.

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Speaker 2
Helping.

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Speaker 1
Me grow.

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Speaker 2
And becoming the person.

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Speaker 1
That.

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Speaker 2
I am and to.

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Speaker 1
Be so this wasn't.

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Speaker 2
Your original intended.

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Speaker 1
Topic of this podcast, but that's where it went. So how are ways that I.

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Speaker 2
Have increased my.

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Speaker 1
Self worth over the years? It's still quite shaky, but it is better.

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Speaker 2
And it's getting.

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Speaker 1
Better.

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Speaker 2
Number one.

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Speaker 1
What do they call it? Self deprecating jokes. That's how I know. I think it's just.

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Speaker 2
Doing things that make me.

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Speaker 1
Uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2
And realizing that being uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1
Is a part of life.

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Speaker 2
Because I guess when I compared myself to people on social media.

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Speaker 1
They all look like they were.

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Speaker 2
Having so much fun. Life was great. They never.

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Speaker 1
Struggled.

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Speaker 2
And impressionable.

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Speaker 1
Tina thought that that was all real.

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Speaker 2
And so when.

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Speaker 1
I struggled, I.

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Speaker 2
Thought that meant something was wrong with.

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Speaker 1
Me. and we would cease. And so I just, I just wish that people.

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Speaker 2
Would share more of their.

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Speaker 1
Struggles because.

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Speaker 2
They're just humanizes.

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Speaker 1
Everybody. And that's why I share my struggles. yeah, I don't really have a target.

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Speaker 2
Audience or anything for this.

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Speaker 1
Podcast. It's really.

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Speaker 2
It's been really hard for me to define my niche.

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Speaker 1
Because most of the.

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Speaker 2
Time I'm just talking to myself, I'm talking to my younger.

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Speaker 1
Self.

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Speaker 2
All of the things.

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Speaker 1
That I wish I could have told her.

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Speaker 2
back then or all the things that I wish she would have known.

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Speaker 1
So that's basically.

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Speaker 2
It. I'm just talking to

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Speaker 1
myself.

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Speaker 2
And hoping.

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Speaker 1
That whoever needs to hear this will hear it. So yeah.

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Speaker 2
I've been really struggling to continue.

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Speaker 1
Posting episodes because I really.

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Speaker 2
Didn't know.

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Speaker 1
What to talk about.

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Speaker 2
And it's really.

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Speaker 1
Hard.

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Speaker 2
For me.

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Speaker 1
To.

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Speaker 2
Have a conversation with.

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Speaker 1
Myself.

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Speaker 2
For 20 minutes and not have.

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Speaker 1
It go.

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Speaker 2
Completely sideways and bonkers to remain on.

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Speaker 1
Topic somehow.

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Speaker 2
And make it all make sense and.

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Speaker 1
Also.

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Speaker 2
Doesn't make me seem.

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Speaker 1
Crazy.

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Speaker 2
So that's.

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Speaker 1
Why these episodes.

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Speaker 2
Have been kind of on and off.

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Speaker 1
But I am really.

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Speaker 2
Really trying to set the intention this year.

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Speaker 1
To posts podcast.

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Speaker 2
And videos on YouTube.

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Speaker 1
More regularly.

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Speaker 2
If you're listening to this,

00:14:02:03 - 00:14:04:04
Speaker 1
On audio, you know that the video.

00:14:04:04 - 00:14:05:05
Speaker 2
Versions will also.

00:14:05:05 - 00:14:08:12
Speaker 1
Be available if you want to sit together.

00:14:08:14 - 00:14:11:07
Speaker 2
And jam for a little bit. These videos are on.

00:14:11:07 - 00:14:13:06
Speaker 1
YouTube.

00:14:13:08 - 00:14:16:25
Speaker 2
And I'm going to spend more time mapping out my.

00:14:16:25 - 00:14:17:20
Speaker 1
Episodes.

00:14:17:20 - 00:14:19:04
Speaker 2
And having.

00:14:19:04 - 00:14:20:00
Speaker 1
Topics.

00:14:20:00 - 00:14:23:11
Speaker 2
And order. I'm going to really.

00:14:23:11 - 00:14:26:04
Speaker 1
Try to have order.

00:14:26:04 - 00:14:26:23
Speaker 2
In these.

00:14:26:23 - 00:14:27:11
Speaker 1
Episodes.

00:14:27:11 - 00:14:27:20
Speaker 2
Going.

00:14:27:20 - 00:14:29:08
Speaker 1
Forward. So if you stick.

00:14:29:08 - 00:14:30:26
Speaker 2
Around, I.

00:14:30:26 - 00:14:31:26
Speaker 1
Love actually.

00:14:31:26 - 00:14:33:06
Speaker 2
Editing.

00:14:33:09 - 00:14:36:13
Speaker 1
It's a complete.

00:14:36:15 - 00:14:38:07
Speaker 2
Time suck.

00:14:38:10 - 00:14:40:15
Speaker 1
To edit videos, but I.

00:14:40:15 - 00:14:41:13
Speaker 2
Happen to enjoy.

00:14:41:13 - 00:14:47:29
Speaker 1
It, so I hopefully will make these videos a little bit flashy.

00:14:47:29 - 00:14:49:03
Speaker 2
And nice to go on.

00:14:49:03 - 00:14:50:02
Speaker 1
YouTube.

00:14:50:02 - 00:14:51:08
Speaker 1
I will hope to.

00:14:51:08 - 00:14:52:07
Speaker 2
See more of you.

00:14:52:07 - 00:14:54:24
Speaker 1
Guys this year

00:14:54:24 - 00:14:58:04
Speaker 2
So thank you for joining me on this week's.

00:14:58:04 - 00:14:59:03
Speaker 1
Episode.

00:14:59:05 - 00:15:00:09
Speaker 2
Of Tina Arena.

00:15:00:09 - 00:15:01:22
Speaker 1
Where I just kind of show up.

00:15:01:22 - 00:15:02:04
Speaker 2
And.

00:15:02:04 - 00:15:09:04
Speaker 1
Play and we all play together and we have fun. Okay, So see you next week.

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