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Unknown
Hi, everyone. Welcome to the podcast. I have here with my friend Tina,

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Unknown
and she is going to share a story with us today, too.

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Unknown
Yeah. Tina. Tina. Yes. You know, it was really interesting because when you asked me what story to share, I have so many stories to share,

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Unknown
but one that just kind of surfaced a couple of weeks ago, which was pretty profound.

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Unknown
I was meeting with a coach, and she said that she wanted to do this hypnosis session with me.

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Unknown
And in the process, she said, I can't get a reading on you. Like, you will not go under like there is some trust there or

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Unknown
she said, so let's do something else. Let's just, go back to your inner child and are you open to doing some inner child work? And I said, okay, I've heard of this. I haven't really done it.

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Unknown
Even though I've been coaching for years, it's not my thing.

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Unknown
So she really helped me access that part of me that lacks trust. And then and she said, well, that part of you that's kind of holding back and doesn't trust people. If you had to give her a name, what would it be?

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Unknown
And I saw, like, this seventh grade, this bully girl.

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Unknown
Right. I won't say her name because you never know who's watching anymore.

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Unknown
But she was sure she was feisty. She was just in your face. And so I gave her that name,

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Unknown
and she said, well, what is she protecting?

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Unknown
And I listened, and I saw this clown face like, she doesn't want you to be a laughing stock. She doesn't want you, to be made fun of.

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Unknown
And then she got me going to a situation where, I was actually a bully.

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Unknown
And this is a real story. I mean, this is like.

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Unknown
Oh, man, talk about telling what on myself. But when I was eight years old, there was a new girl that was in our school, and she was really pretty and athletic, and I felt really jealous and insecure that she was going to take my friends.

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Unknown
And I remember she went home for lunch and she came back and we had this gate.

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Unknown
And I remember closing the gate on her face and she had like lots of moles on her face and stuff.

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Unknown
And I said to her, what happened to you? Did God put a screen over your face and throw shit at you? That's what I said to her when I was eight years old.

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Unknown
And I remember the sadness in her eyes.

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Unknown
And I remember as the words were coming out, I couldn't take them back and I felt so bad.

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Unknown
But it was done. The damage was done and everybody was laughing, and I felt bad that people were laughing. And then she told the teacher and the teacher came in and she's like, who do you think you are?

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Unknown
How dare you? And I remember just shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. And so when I had this hypnosis session, I realized that in that moment, it wasn't what happened or me getting in trouble. It's who I decided I was. I was bad, I was wrong, and I was mean. And so what happened was I started going through life overcompensating, being the opposite.

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Unknown
Like, I'll never be bad. I'll never be mean. I'll never hurt somebody's feelings again.

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Unknown
But then I saw as it started unraveling how that showed up in my life, where I say yes a lot when I want to say no, or I will

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Unknown
do things that don't honor my value, my worth, my time. But it was almost like this block that I couldn't see.

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Unknown
But then when I saw it, I just saw the string

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Unknown
of my life, my business, my relationships, everything. I was like, oh my gosh, I've been living this pretense,

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Unknown
you know, being nice, being kind, being overly compensating because not because I was giving, but because by doing that, I was actually receiving

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Unknown
I was receiving validation. I was receiving that like, am I okay?

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Unknown
Oh yeah, I'm okay. You're saying I'm okay, okay. I'm okay. So that for me was a big realization.

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Unknown
And then it just kept like Tina. I mean, it just kept unraveling, unraveling. And I started seeing all of these other things

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Unknown
and and really seeing the impact of who I get to be now and

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Unknown
confident, powerful. I felt that way.

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Unknown
I've done things that prove that I'm confident and I'm powerful, but they were coming from a place of,

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Unknown
I really need to be nice. I need to be kind. I need to be so giving. And that's just not sustainable

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Unknown
in life. It's like I was

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Unknown
burning myself into the ground to be that person.

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Unknown
And so now I'm in this inquiry,

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Unknown
you know, of real self-discovery, not just saying I'm spiritual and doing the work, but

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Unknown
embodying and taking the action.

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Unknown
And it's really it's uncomfortable. It is very okay. You've just said so many things that have mirrored my life so much. I used to be the bully, and I had no idea. Well, actually, it wasn't like mean things that I said I was. I didn't want to go into the story, but we're going to say it, I used to

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Unknown
be mean, I guess, to this,

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Unknown
to this guy in my class, and I would just push him around a little bit.

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Unknown
I was a big 13 year old and I would just be like, hey, like stupid, like, how are you doing today? Just like, not like anything, like very mean, but just like a little attitude like that. And I thought in my mind that we were always just joking around. And I thought that that was the relationship that we had.

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Unknown
And then one day we graduated and he was like, hey, why were you always so mean to me? And it just broke me because I didn't actually realize that I was being mean. So that I felt very mirrored in your story there. And then just, I mean, everything that you're saying of how I also need that external validation so much and like, why am I so nice?

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Unknown
My friends call me the nicest person ever. But it's like, because I need you to tell me that you love me. Yeah. Right. And isn't that funny? When we have these empowering conversations, how we're always being like, we're always

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Unknown
mirroring back to ourselves, and, And I don't believe that this conversation is by chance or it's divinely

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Unknown
orchestrated, put on our path for us to see something in each other to reflect.

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Unknown
And I think this is the power in what we do and being able to share our stories because

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Unknown
it's not just for the sake of sharing, but it's the sake of giving so that somebody else can receive. Because for me, my motto is that, what you see, you can be I think people say and if you can't see it then you really don't know that it's there.

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Unknown
And that's why representation is so important. And that is why I'm social media. I always choose to

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Unknown
on the real side, you know, posting crying videos, ugly videos, unfiltered stuff. Just so that

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Unknown
little girls, because I was that vulnerable little girl and everything was perfection back then, right? Right. Heroin chic was the look, right? And it just broke me.

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Unknown
So that's why I choose to be as real as I can. Yeah. I mean, as much as my, fragile self-esteem could allow.

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Unknown
Oh, man, it's so true. And I think for the longest time I put up this

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Unknown
strong, confident facade where inside I felt not as strong, not as confident, especially in certain areas of my life. And I remember just having a conversation with my coach.

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Unknown
And people are like, you have a coach, you coach coaches. I'm like, yeah, of course I have a coach. Like I wouldn't go through life without having somebody in my corner. But he said, I've known you for nine years, and every time we talk, there's a little bit of a guarded ness about you. I said, what?

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Unknown
I didn't see it.

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Unknown
No, that's not true. But then other people started saying the same thing, so I had to look, you know, if one person calls you an A-hole, you know, thank them. If ten people call you an asshole, you better look within. Saddle up. Giddy up, because you probably are. So I was like, am I guarded? And then somebody else.

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Unknown
Yeah, my experience of you is guarded, really? And I started looking and this is how this whole situation started unraveling, because I thought, I need to get underneath this. What am I guarding? And, you know, I am guarding that playful

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Unknown
kind of inner child, the joyful, because I'm afraid. Well, if I'm silly or if I. What will people think of me?

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Unknown
Will I be a clown? Will people laugh at me? Will people think x, Y, and Z? And I think part of living is actually having the courage to not care and not care about what people are thinking, and being unconstrained and unstoppable in who are essence is not the the persona that we put on the facade that we put on, but our real,

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Unknown
authentic selves.

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Unknown
You know, but the issue with not caring is that it has to start with

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Unknown
what is it called, the self-confidence or the knowing of who you are and everything that you.

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Unknown
And for so that when these people are projecting themselves onto you, you're like, no, that's not me. I'm good. But

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Unknown
how do you get that? You know, it's so. Oh, gosh. There's so much funny synergies. Like when we talked about joy and creativity and, like, I just had a conversation about this. So now it's the message I'm supposed to receive again.

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Unknown
But I think that inner knowing is taking time to actually stop long enough. Oh, we have a new guest. And

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Unknown
I see, is,

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Unknown
taking the time to listen to that inner voice. And I think sometimes when we're

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Unknown
rushing from here to here, doing, doing, doing, doing, we don't actually stop and reflect on who were being who we get to be.

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Unknown
And, for me, that's the the greatest gift that I've ever been given was the, the power to slow down. And I feel like it just happened the last year. I didn't know how to slow down. I didn't know how to operate at, like, single speed. And I say single speed intentionally, because even when I read or listen to auto audible books, one and a half 1.7 times speed

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Unknown
driving, always driving over the speed limit, like I'm always doing life at one and a half speed.

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Unknown
And so when I learned to slow down, it wasn't easy because I thought, who am I without hustling and grinding and running?

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Unknown
If I were to just be with me? I was like, I'm afraid I don't know who that person is. So I had to be really comfortable with the unknown, and I had to be comfortable with really

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Unknown
finding that essence because she was buried deep in my psyche, like it was not safe to be her.

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Unknown
And, you know, the first incident that I remember,

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Unknown
where it was not safe to be her is I was I was a boss. Like, I mean,

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Unknown
no surprise. But in my neighborhood, I used to put on these plays and I would, gather all the kids in the neighborhood and we'd craft these really great plays, and we'd invite our parents, and we charge them a quarter, and then we'd take the money and go buy popsicles, like, you know, whatever.

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Unknown
So I was organizing the.

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Unknown
I was, you know, telling people what to do. And I remember my mom's stepbrother was staying with us at the time, and he must have overheard me being bossy or something like that and didn't like it. And he literally pulled me. And I know this is a little graphic to prepare, but he pulled me behind the shed and just started spanking me.

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Unknown
Like basically telling me that I was being too bossy and too loud and I was being mean and he was going to punish me for it.

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Unknown
And it was in that moment that I was just like, okay, it's not even safe to be me. It's not safe to be bossy. It's not safe to express. It's not safe to do all of these things.

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Unknown
And that was the first incident where I started becoming very submissive, especially in relationships with men. Just. Okay. Yep, yep. I'll do whatever you say. Yep. But it always felt so inauthentic. I'm like, that is not me. I felt it, but I didn't know what was preventing me from just standing my ground, being firm, standing in my power.

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Unknown
I was just always dimming my light, dimming my light to the point where it got so dim

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Unknown
that I. I didn't even know who I was anymore.

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Unknown
You know, and then there was like the spark that was like gave me this little glimmer of who I am. Okay man. If that's who I really am, that's a scare.

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Unknown
That's scary.

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Unknown
Like being self expressed standing up for myself not being submissive.

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Unknown
So did you just start to follow the glimmers like wherever you found creativity or that joy. Like do you just go okay I go that way I guess. Yeah it's intention plus action is results. So intention is my way of being. So when something comes up and I'm like oh this feels a little uncomfortable.

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Unknown
It's action. I'm I say I am a loving, courageous, powerful leader. So I come from a place of love, courage and, and power and action. And so when I'm not feeling powerful, I just. The glimmer is okay, wait a minute. Is that little girl hiding behind the shed, getting your ass whipped?

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Unknown
Like, is she really coming to the surface right now, or are you.

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Unknown
But it is, it's raising our consciousness and being responsible for everything that's happening in my reality. You know, I it's so easy to be in the situation. Be. Oh, I'm going to blame it on my relationship or blame it on my business partner, or blame this on whoever, because it's easy to be a victim to our life.

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Unknown
It's harder to be responsible for. But the life that I'm living is a creation of my reality. Nobody else's. And when you really get that and you embody it, there's a level of power that comes with that comes with me where nobody can take my power away.

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Unknown
And now when I catch myself giving my power away, that's another, that's another thing.

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Unknown
Right. But nobody can take it. Yeah.

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Unknown
And so seeing that I give it away and then asking why am I giving it away? It's just always, it's a pattern interrupt every single time.

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Unknown
And that's the work for me. Interrupting my own patterns and habits. Because

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Unknown
you can do all of the work to start on that new, different path, but your habits are still there.

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Unknown
So you have to continually check back like am I still on the path that I want to go, or am I starting to fall back into how I used to be? Yeah, it's like I think of it as that, like a three stage kind of process. Right? So you become aware of the habits that are keeping you stuck.

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Unknown
So you shift your habits, then you shift your behaviors, then you shift your being and then it's like a constant process. You know, it's like, oh, I noticed this bad habit. Okay, shift that habit, shift the beliefs about that habit. Oh, now I'm leveling up who I'm being. Then there's another level. Oh, there's a new habit that shows up.

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Unknown
Okay, shift that habit, shift the beliefs, shift the being. And so a lot of people say to me, man,

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Unknown
you're not even the same person that you were a year ago.

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Unknown
I'm like, no, because this is not just my soul's contract to level up and give it away to others, but it's so embedded in like personal growth is so embedded in my being that I can't imagine another way.

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Unknown
I feel like it's my job to level up

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Unknown
my soul. Okay, I know it sounds kind of woowoo, but really it's just

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Unknown
I, I learn, I grow, I give it away, I learn, I grow, I give it away. And I do feel that that's my purpose. Yeah, yeah, I agree, I think I'm the same. Yeah. Same way. So what's the last bad habit that you caught

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Unknown
and are working on or have already solved?

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Unknown
Oh my gosh, I have so many bad habits. But the personal one is so I. Seven months ago, I quit drinking. That was a bad habit because I was just. Oh, I feel sad. Okay, have a glass of wine. And so I noticed that bad habit and I thought, okay, why am I stuffing my emotions? What is it that I'm not confronting?

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Unknown
So I quit drinking cold turkey. I'm like, okay, cool. The other bad habit that I noticed is that when I need to give myself attention, I would look externally, like dating and stuff like that, getting, you know, attention from guys. I'm like, oh, I feel so bad about myself. Oh, let me go get attention from the wrong people, you know?

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Unknown
Then I notice that bad habit. I'm like, okay, you know what? Until I get to the place where I have unconditional self-love, when I don't feel reactive, like, oh, I need your energy, I feel bad about myself, I'm going to go rob you of your energy. Then, like

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Unknown
I'm not in the place to start dating, and now I'm starting to get to the place where, okay, I see that habit.

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Unknown
I'm transforming that habit now. I'm not reactive anymore. I don't need anybody. I do want somebody, but not coming from a place of scarcity or lack. It's coming from. Yeah, I want to share my life with somebody, but I don't need to. So that's the other bad habit that I've been transforming. Now I'm really committed to my health and well-being.

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Unknown
So that is just I'm still working on this one, but I, I love the idea of love. I sometimes binge watch like trashy television like love is Blind you know, Love Island. But I would literally be finished work 6:00 or whatever. I'd have dinner instead of going for a walk or going to the gym like, oh,

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Unknown
I'm just going to like put this comfort blanket on and I'm going to watch Love Is Blind or whatever.

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Unknown
And so now I'm like, okay, I'm not going to deprive myself of that, but I'm going to check in. Is this a reactive behavior? Am I looking to get something or is it just now? It's a choice right now. So I'll read my books, I'll study my like Kabbalah, whatever. And then I'll be like, okay, no, I'm just going to watch it because I'm watching it, not because I'm filling a void.

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Unknown
So I have lots of bad habits,

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Unknown
but I'm consciously working on them. You know, I'm a beautiful work in progress. Pro tip you watch Love is Blind at the gym. Oh, or on the treadmill. It just makes the time go so much faster. Oh, see, that's a that's a great idea, I love that.

00:19:13:04 - 00:19:17:06
Unknown
Yeah, I try and when I'm at the gym, I like the classes.

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Unknown
So I'll go do spin or I'll do water aerobics. But I don't actually like do a lot of weight. That's a sidetrack. But but that's a good idea. I mean, you're a coach, so I respond to messages, emails and stuff on the treadmill. Just take that ten minutes or, I don't know, 20, whatever. Wow. Do that on the treadmill.

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Unknown
It doesn't have to be fast. You can walk. Yeah, okay. Adding it I do adding it. Yeah, I love it. I love this conversation because I feel like

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Unknown
we've had such a mirrored journey because I think before we started recording, we were talking about how we're both lacking creativity and joy, and the journey is like discovering that. And that's just been it for me.

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Unknown
I feel like this podcasting, interviewing people and listening to other people's stories, that has given me a lot of joy and helped spark my creativity too. So I'm leaning into that. But, when you're like.

00:20:12:11 - 00:20:32:05
Unknown
You get this when you like, want to have fun and you like want to say something, you just have like this block or like, don't do it. Well, I think that's why I was so comfortable with drinking, because that fun part of me would come out when I'm drinking. Like, no constraints, no restraints. Don't give a f about anything, you know?

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Unknown
But now that I've not been drinking for seven months, I feel like that part of me is coming out now. So when people say, oh my gosh, what? We're going to go to this event and you're not going to drink? I'm like, trust me, I have more fun now that I'm not drinking because that part of me is coming out.

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Unknown
So when I feel myself holding back, I ask myself, why? Why are you? What are you afraid of right now? And so I lean into it. It's just it's out of my comfort zone. But I realize that it's out of my comfort zone. I'm like, are you going to die? And I see myself almost sometimes,

00:21:07:00 - 00:21:13:07
Unknown
like my friends brought over virtual reality glasses one time, and I'm afraid of heights.

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Unknown
So here I am climbing Mount Everest, right? With virtual reality glasses on. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't actually, I'm looking down. I'm panicked. I'm terrified. Like, I can't, I can't. I take the glasses off. Meanwhile, I'm in my freaking living room on the floor like there's no fear. So now when I feel scared or when I'm thinking, oh, don't have fun, don't let loose, I'm like, okay, really, take the virtual reality glasses off.

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Unknown
What's going to happen? Am I going to die? If I have fun? Am I going to make myself looks nobody cares. Nobody cares about me. After I leave the room, they're not going to remember. Oh, Tina was actually having fun. How terrible. And if they do, that's not on me. That's on them. So I literally vision in that moment.

00:22:01:14 - 00:22:22:05
Unknown
Visualize taking off the virtual reality glasses like, okay, listen, you're in a simulator right now of, oh, I'm afraid to be free in unconstrained. Take the glasses off, do it anyways. And so that really helps me because I get to laugh at myself. It just be really.

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Unknown
When did having fun become so taboo in my mind? You know, and so I just notice the mask.

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Unknown
I take it off and sometimes I'll call one out on myself. I'll say, you know, I really want to like, dance right now. There's nobody on the dance floor. And instead of, like, being there by myself, I'll just go pull everybody up on the dance floor with me. 80 year old women. Like, it's hilarious. Like, come on, I'll get the whole room going.

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Unknown
And then I feel better because I'm not doing it. So, you know, I'm going to look silly. Everybody else can look silly with me. I love that, I love this conversation. Thank you so much. I, I think we can start to wrap up. Is there anything that you feel called to share with the audience today to.

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Unknown
Oh, I think.

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Unknown
I think for me, it's just.

00:23:28:19 - 00:23:55:18
Unknown
Being willing to be unstoppable in life, you know, when you find yourself holding back or when you find yourself, not embracing life and living life to the fullest, just ask yourself why. You know, ask yourself, what am I risking by being this way? And if wherever there's a pattern, there's a story, be willing to go and look for.

00:23:55:18 - 00:24:01:17
Unknown
What's the story? When did I make this decision that I can't do X, Y, and Z?

00:24:01:17 - 00:24:19:15
Unknown
And when we can be detectives in our own life and get to the source of it, we can rewrite the story. We can rewrite the narrative. And every day we have an opportunity to rewrite a story that's empowering. We can put those virtual reality glasses on to work for us.

00:24:19:17 - 00:24:31:03
Unknown
You know, we can create anything we want in this simulator called life and be willing to write your own story, create your own narrative. That's exciting in a life.

00:24:31:03 - 00:24:41:00
Unknown
And you're actually a coach. So you actually help people do this for two right. Yeah. So where do people find you if they want to learn more about you?

00:24:41:02 - 00:25:06:05
Unknown
I hang out a lot on LinkedIn, so you can definitely find me there. Or Facebook. Teena Marie Berkeley Tina Berkeley on LinkedIn. I have a new Instagram account now. We won't go into that story, but it's brand new. I think I have 146 followers right now, went from 126,000 to 146. But it's perfect. It's good. So yeah, I'm I'm all over the place.

00:25:06:05 - 00:25:15:08
Unknown
Okay. Google me. Your website. Yeah. Well, my website is, linked dot coach okay. So yeah, that's my business. Okay.

00:25:15:08 - 00:25:23:06
Unknown
Thank you so much for being on the podcast. Yeah. Thanks for inviting me. It's been really great. Yeah. I wish you sparked a little bit of joy today. I

00:25:23:06 - 00:25:43:18
Unknown
everyone. Thank you so much for making it to the end of the episode. If you live in Windsor, Essex County area in Ontario, Canada, then you should know that I host an open mic live storytelling event the last Saturday of every month at Alo Lounge on Erie Street in Little Italy from 5 to 7 p.m..

00:25:43:20 - 00:25:50:02
Unknown
If you don't know what open mic storytelling is, while I encourage anyone to come up and share their story,

00:25:50:02 - 00:25:58:16
Unknown
have different themes. Every month. The event celebrates connection, our humanness, our emotions, our rawness.

00:25:58:17 - 00:26:05:23
Unknown
It gives us space to really express ourselves and to have people listen. Because I feels like

00:26:05:23 - 00:26:08:17
Unknown
we don't really get too much of this

00:26:08:17 - 00:26:09:16
Unknown
anymore.

00:26:09:19 - 00:26:23:18
Unknown
It is essentially a gathering of the souls and sharing a little part of ourselves with each other, whether it be a funny story, a sad story, a happy story, a romantic story, any story that is yours

00:26:23:19 - 00:26:24:19
Unknown
you can share

00:26:24:19 - 00:26:28:00
Unknown
and I'm loving the community that is coming from this event. So

00:26:28:00 - 00:26:35:08
Unknown
come to the event. I hope to see you there. You can purchase tickets at tales of the town aka.