00:00:00:19 - 00:00:27:20
Speaker 1
It's almost dinner time. My friend, my acquaintance Heather Chauvin, is about to come over and have dinner with me, and she's bringing her husband. Heather's been a friend of mine for a while, but we weren't really that close. But I just really wanted to get closer to her, and I wanted to be more in her sphere because of the person that she is.

00:00:27:20 - 00:01:05:02
Speaker 1
She's incredible. So I invited her over to dinner with me and my fiancé and her husband, and we were going to have dinner together and enjoy a nice time and just, I don't know, do what couples do, have a laugh, enjoy dinner, have a good time. But the problem was that the night before I ended my relationship with my fiancé, just 24 hours earlier, I was the fiancé.

00:01:05:04 - 00:01:39:09
Speaker 1
I had a partner, and now I don't. And Heather didn't know that as she was coming over, she didn't know that I had just ended my engagement, that I was probably in the worst state that I'd been in a long time. But me knowing Heather, I didn't think that I needed to tell her what was happening with me before she got to my door.

00:01:39:11 - 00:02:07:12
Speaker 1
So that might have been a bad choice, but I felt like even if I told her that I ended that relationship, she was still going to come over anyway. So I decided not to tell her. She rings my doorbell and I walk home, her end, and I tell her, by the way, it's just me. I broke up with him

00:02:07:12 - 00:02:20:04
Speaker 1
we have our dinner and I'm just not there during the dinner. I'm pretty out of it. I make the food and it tastes okay. It's not as great as it could have been.

00:02:20:06 - 00:02:26:06
Speaker 1
But you know what I was cooking with the broken heart. So I did my best

00:02:26:06 - 00:02:47:21
Speaker 1
Now, Heather had been in my atmosphere for a while now. At that point, it's just three years earlier, I held a Ted Windsor event, and Heather was one of the speakers that came to my event and spoke for everyone. I was the executive director. I chose the speakers and I helped them craft their talks to put it up on stage.

00:02:48:02 - 00:03:25:19
Speaker 1
And so Heather was one of those speakers and I knew what she was about. And I knew that she was just a person that I wanted in my life. And so that's why I invited her over to dinner that night. And her being the coach and the person that she is, she told me, hey, you know, I'm holding a retreat into a room, which would be in two months, and I really think you should come because it's going to be great for you and you need this at this time.

00:03:25:21 - 00:03:45:04
Speaker 1
And I don't really know how much convincing she had to do for me. But by the end of that dinner, I told her I was in. I would do it. And that is how she got me to my first retreat into the room. I believe 2021.

00:03:45:04 - 00:03:47:19
Speaker 1
by the time I got to that retreat,

00:03:47:19 - 00:03:54:20
Speaker 1
I was pretty lost. And myself, I didn't know who I was anymore

00:03:54:22 - 00:04:02:04
Speaker 1
And I just wasn't sure where my life was going anymore. But I get to the retreat.

00:04:02:04 - 00:04:13:08
Speaker 1
I don't really know anyone else at the retreat other than Heather. I just basically fly to Mexico to to loom by myself

00:04:13:08 - 00:04:20:22
Speaker 1
and enter this beautiful Paradise of a hotel that they booked out and started my week there.

00:04:21:00 - 00:04:48:00
Speaker 1
Not a week. It was a couple of days, but it was a really, really magical time. There is not that many instances where I put myself into situations where I don't know anybody. I don't do that a lot. So it was definitely uncomfortable. And I know I had a lot of stories within myself about how I'm awkward. I'm an introvert.

00:04:48:00 - 00:05:00:22
Speaker 1
I don't want to talk that much. I'm not going to talk to a lot of people. That person doesn't like me. That person doesn't like me. Or she's she was a little bit like cold. She probably doesn't like me either.

00:05:00:22 - 00:05:38:23
Speaker 1
were a lot of stories that I was telling myself to make myself uncomfortable during this retreat. Even with all of that going on, it was an incredible retreat. I loved being in the presence of other women. I love being in the presence of other strong women, and I think that is one of the reasons why I have been constantly growing and evolving as a person, because I'm always putting myself into these circles of people that I look up to,

00:05:38:23 - 00:05:40:20
Speaker 1
side note, I think

00:05:40:20 - 00:05:59:07
Speaker 1
I don't understand what's possible until I see it, so I need to be able to see it so that I can start to be it. And so I put myself into these situations where these people are ten steps ahead of me in life, and they are where I want to go.

00:05:59:09 - 00:06:25:12
Speaker 1
And I copy them, I model them, I be their friends, I learn what they do, and I just put myself in situations so that I can start to be the person that I want to be by modeling these people. And so, Heather, is that for me? She is my guiding light, in a way. And her community is also that for me.

00:06:25:12 - 00:06:35:01
Speaker 1
So when I went to Tulum for the first time, I think there was 25 ish people, women, and everyone has their own stories of

00:06:35:01 - 00:06:36:05
Speaker 1
conflict,

00:06:36:05 - 00:06:38:18
Speaker 1
determination and struggle.

00:06:38:18 - 00:06:44:07
Speaker 1
Someone's always going through something and hearing it from them

00:06:44:07 - 00:06:48:09
Speaker 1
makes me feel like I can achieve and

00:06:48:09 - 00:06:51:02
Speaker 1
work through whatever struggle that I'm working through.

00:06:51:02 - 00:06:59:00
Speaker 1
the first year at to loom, that very first retreat, what it gave me back that I had lost was hope.

00:06:59:00 - 00:07:09:17
Speaker 1
I didn't know who I was, but that retreat gave me the hope that I was going to find myself again.

00:07:09:17 - 00:07:26:08
Speaker 1
So I'm really grateful for Heather for extending that invitation, for giving me hope back so quickly after my breakup, because if I didn't go to that retreat, I'm not sure how long it would have taken me to

00:07:26:08 - 00:07:30:21
Speaker 1
move on. I mean, I didn't move on yet at that point, but that was

00:07:30:21 - 00:07:33:14
Speaker 1
a very strong push in the right direction.

00:07:33:14 - 00:08:09:02
Speaker 1
And there were other things that happened that year that made it an incredibly hard year, two years of my life. But that first retreat, surrounded by strong, incredible women was what gave me the strength to keep going. To for me to know that I would be okay. That retreat gave me that gift. And I mean, I think every story and part of my life has led me to exactly where I am today.

00:08:09:02 - 00:08:13:10
Speaker 1
But that seems to be one of my anchoring moments.

00:08:13:10 - 00:08:21:06
Speaker 1
the feelings actually, more than anything, the feeling of me coming back to life

00:08:21:06 - 00:08:36:21
Speaker 1
That time period was also when I joined Heather Chauvin's community and became a coaching client, and entered in her world and started doing the work that she does and she teaches. And that has been an

00:08:36:21 - 00:08:42:08
Speaker 1
Anchor in my life to have her in that community around me.

00:08:42:08 - 00:08:53:11
Speaker 1
The second retreat that I went to was also with Heather and to learn, we went back for a second year and that one was more about fun for me.

00:08:53:11 - 00:09:02:06
Speaker 1
It was still an incredible journey and there was lots of challenges, but I was just a different person at that time compared to the first one.

00:09:02:06 - 00:09:29:02
Speaker 1
that first retreat was about finding myself, realizing that I still have so much life left and so much within me, and coming back to myself. The second retreat at the loom was about expanding my capacity for fun and discovering who I am again, which is incredible in its own right.

00:09:29:03 - 00:09:51:13
Speaker 1
I remember that trip retreat was a lot more fun. I was a lot more comfortable with the women around me because again, it was with Heather. So it was the same people, the same women that came with a couple of new exceptions, but there were a lot of repeat people as well. And so I was getting more comfortable in the community, and I was growing, and I was able to be my full self a little bit more

00:09:51:13 - 00:10:18:11
Speaker 1
And then the third retreat was in Ontario, in Huntsville, Ontario, which is up north, and that was starting to be about like discovery and the work that I want to do and pushing myself, putting myself out there as a coach, because I've had this dream of being a coach and having an online business for a very long time, over a decade.

00:10:18:16 - 00:10:38:12
Speaker 1
But I've never, ever taken any steps towards it. So that third retreat was more about, okay, well, this is my goal. It has been my goal forever, and I've never taken any sort of action towards it. So with the mentoring of Heather, I started to take those action steps.

00:10:38:12 - 00:10:56:05
Speaker 1
I still have a lot of mental blocks around coaching. And I think it's just because I haven't found that niche or angle that really resonates with me, that just makes me go like, oh my gosh, this is it. I really need to share this message with the world. I haven't found that yet.

00:10:56:05 - 00:11:22:16
Speaker 1
so the third retreat became more about business and why I'm not reaching my goals in the business. Although I have had these goals for so long, what is it within myself that is holding myself back from going there? Why am I unable to put myself in front of people and share my care and magic and my gift with them?

00:11:22:16 - 00:11:32:00
Speaker 1
Why can't I do that? That was what the third retreat was have, and there has been incredible growth between all of these retreats.

00:11:32:00 - 00:11:49:01
Speaker 1
The fourth retreat that I went to, also with Heather was two weeks ago, and we went somewhere up north in Ontario, north of Peterborough. And made that retreat was different.

00:11:49:01 - 00:12:27:09
Speaker 1
Somewhere north of Ontario, that retreat. I'm not sure if I have a theme for it. Because I kind of summarized all the other retreats pretty nicely, and I like that. But this last retreat, I'm not sure how to describe it. It was very much of the same kind of deal where I'm getting into my stories. I'm unraveling the parts of myself that are holding myself back in a way that I don't want them to, because I am not the person that I want to be.

00:12:27:11 - 00:12:40:12
Speaker 1
So what is it that is keeping me back from being the person that I want to be? And for me, I've started to learn that I have a very intense fear of abandonment.

00:12:40:12 - 00:12:48:13
Speaker 1
And I think that's why I'm so quiet. Because I'm so scared to say the wrong thing and have the person that I love walk away.

00:12:48:13 - 00:12:55:13
Speaker 1
So I became very quiet and just, like, lived within the lines and.

00:12:55:13 - 00:12:57:05
Speaker 1
Never explored too much.

00:12:57:05 - 00:13:15:02
Speaker 1
So this is why I am holding myself back so much when it comes to coaching and business. Because I have been so afraid to say the wrong thing and to have people walk away from me and like, I don't, I still have that fear.

00:13:15:08 - 00:13:40:16
Speaker 1
But now it's not about like my mother walking away from me. Like I obviously I don't want her to walk away from me, but that's not really the fear anymore. It's just like, I don't want them to walk away from me. Well, who's them? I don't know, I just I still have this fear. So I have been unraveling this aspect of it now for the past couple of months.

00:13:40:16 - 00:13:51:09
Speaker 1
And I've been sitting in this energy and, you know, because you're here, that a large practice of this podcast is for me to practice saying these things out loud,

00:13:51:09 - 00:13:54:00
Speaker 1
living my truth and being

00:13:54:00 - 00:13:57:03
Speaker 1
who I am and being okay with that. So

00:13:57:03 - 00:13:59:02
Speaker 1
that has been the first for retreats

00:13:59:02 - 00:14:03:20
Speaker 1
And also at the retreat two weeks ago, we had a little storytelling session

00:14:03:20 - 00:14:21:20
Speaker 1
And while we were brainstorming stories, I started giving feedback, and I started sharing my thoughts on stories and how people could make their stories better. And the feedback I got from that session from a lot of people was like, wow, you really liked this.

00:14:21:22 - 00:14:44:17
Speaker 1
And I was like, yeah, doesn't everybody, you know, one of those things that you but love so much or you're so good at you just assume everyone else is too? I think that's like storytelling and speaking is for me. So then now I have this idea of like, oh, wow, like, what am I going to do with this new information?

00:14:44:17 - 00:14:46:09
Speaker 1
I don't know, I'm not sure.

00:14:46:09 - 00:15:03:14
Speaker 1
And now we come to the homecoming retreat, which was held by my friends Amanda and Idea, which just happened this previous weekend to this Tuesday. And that has been an incredible retreat as well.

00:15:03:14 - 00:15:11:03
Speaker 1
The first four retreats that I went to were with Heather, and so I got very familiar with the set up scene.

00:15:11:08 - 00:15:24:04
Speaker 1
I knew what was happening. I knew most of the people there with this homecoming retreat. I didn't know anybody. I just knew Amanda. And even still, I don't know Amanda very well.

00:15:24:04 - 00:15:47:22
Speaker 1
So again, I put myself in a situation like I did back in 2021, walking into a new atmosphere, new people, new teachers. It's not Heather this time, but I did that on purpose because I know Amanda is amazing. Her friends are probably amazing too. So by assumption a day, a is amazing and she was.

00:15:47:22 - 00:16:07:07
Speaker 1
Learning from new people puts a different light on things, and it can help you see things better if you're clear or if you're stuck. So I just really wanted to go to this retreat as well. I wanted to have new teachers this time, and I wanted to explore even more.

00:16:07:07 - 00:16:30:02
Speaker 1
And one of the selling points of Amanda's retreat was that there was going to be a private living chef. So you got me. I am in, and it was just a great, great retreat. It's really hard to describe retreats in general because most of the time when you're leave, you're just like, oh my gosh, that was an incredible experience.

00:16:30:02 - 00:17:03:12
Speaker 1
My life has changed and that is how I would describe every single one of the retreats that I've been on so far. So if you have been considering going on a retreat, definitely go on one. Even if it's not called a retreat, if it's like some sort of gathering of people, you leave for a weekend and you just get to deep dive in with people and each other and learn about each other, troubleshoot your life together.

00:17:03:14 - 00:17:33:09
Speaker 1
It's just magic. It's just magic. I highly recommend it. The retreat all of the retreats with Heather were phone lists, so I don't have any content of those retreats, but trust me, they were incredible. And to Lou, it was all you can eat, basically inclusive. And they had a restaurant there at the hotel, and it was Mexican food and it was just, oh my gosh, so good.

00:17:33:11 - 00:17:40:03
Speaker 1
And then at Amanda's retreat, there was a live in chef and she created the most incredible meals for us

00:17:40:03 - 00:17:46:12
Speaker 1
I had this revelation at the end of the last day because I told her her name is Sonya.

00:17:46:12 - 00:18:14:23
Speaker 1
I was like, Sonya, do you know what I realized? Like, your food has been so good that I have been eating so much. I'm so far I've been full since I got here, but the food has been so incredible that at no point during this retreat did I ever feel bloated. Did I ever feel too sick. Did I ever feel like over sugared or just slow?

00:18:14:23 - 00:18:26:20
Speaker 1
You know, when you eat too much, you just feel slow? None of that. It was really incredible for me because I don't think I've ever had that experience before.

00:18:26:20 - 00:18:51:23
Speaker 1
When the food is prepared in a loving manner with purpose, I think it's really hard to overdo it when you eat with a family of people and you're enjoying each other's presence, as well as enjoying the food with you and the conversation, and it's a different energy.

00:18:52:01 - 00:18:56:14
Speaker 1
And so when you're in that atmosphere, you eat more slowly,

00:18:56:14 - 00:19:25:18
Speaker 1
when you're eating slowly, you get fuller. Sooner you're chewing your food more, you're drinking water. It's it was just an entirely different experience to be eating and calm and eating the best fast foods. She made like pumpkin gnocchi. One night we had raclette. The first day we were there for dinner, which is like fondue, kind of.

00:19:25:19 - 00:19:53:06
Speaker 1
You like broiled cheese. And then you mix it with crackers and salami. And she had all of her own homemade condiments that had squash grown from her father's garden, that she pickled herself with spices from the garden. It was just so good. So good. So that was a really magical thing for me to realize, because.

00:19:53:06 - 00:19:54:12
Speaker 1
Slowing down

00:19:54:12 - 00:19:58:03
Speaker 1
really does uncover all sorts of magic

00:19:58:03 - 00:20:08:15
Speaker 1
I just need to keep focusing on slowing down and enjoying the moment, savoring the taste and the energy and the people around me.

00:20:08:15 - 00:20:09:10
Speaker 1
Another

00:20:09:10 - 00:20:39:03
Speaker 1
thing that's been on my mind since the retreat is that I am naturally a quiet person, and so I spoke out more during this retreat. I've been trying to speak more, and that feels really obnoxious to me to be speaking all of the time. And so I've toi between this line of like, am I being obnoxious or is this just normal, or is this actually obnoxious?

00:20:39:03 - 00:20:56:22
Speaker 1
Like, if it's obnoxious, I don't know, because to me it's all obnoxious. Does that make sense? So if I'm actually pushing the line and it's actually becoming obnoxious, then I don't know, because I already thought it was obnoxious. Like three minutes ago.

00:20:56:22 - 00:21:03:21
Speaker 1
So that's just me. And then there is also there's one other person there who, as soon as she walked in, she gave me a hug.

00:21:03:21 - 00:21:21:19
Speaker 1
And I thought that was so magical because I was, like, going for a handshake. And she's like, what are you doing? And I was just like, oh, that feels so nice. But anyway, she described herself as blunt, and I don't know if she did like because she said that. But that kind of set an image in my head.

00:21:21:19 - 00:21:35:00
Speaker 1
But she described herself as blunt and she said sorry in advance. And I was like, okay, no problem. But I found myself to be really intimidated by her going forward for absolutely no reason, though,

00:21:35:00 - 00:21:43:13
Speaker 1
Because I know that she's not doing anything that's actually intimidating. She's just being direct with her words.

00:21:43:15 - 00:21:51:07
Speaker 1
She's being honest. She's asking for what she needs, which is so admirable to me because I'm not like that.

00:21:51:07 - 00:22:03:03
Speaker 1
So it was just another reflection, another thing for me to think about, like, why is she so scary to me? She's not doing anything.

00:22:03:05 - 00:22:11:18
Speaker 1
And she's so kind. Like the feedback that she gave, the things that she said, like, she's so kind, but why am I scared?

00:22:11:18 - 00:22:34:01
Speaker 1
Because literally she's not doing anything, but I'm uncomfortable. And so that was just one of the things I think. I think that's just one of the things that I have to fight through. Like, I just have to tell myself she's really not doing anything at all. She's actually so kind. So what are you doing, Tina? Like you're not in danger.

00:22:34:02 - 00:22:35:22
Speaker 1
Like, stop it. Chill out.

00:22:35:22 - 00:23:00:08
Speaker 1
I think this podcast is long enough. This is actually probably one of the longest episodes that I've done. But if you are considering a retreat, I highly recommend that you go on one especially, or maybe only if you trust the people that are putting it on. I. I'm sure there are a ton of retreats out there that absolutely suck.

00:23:00:10 - 00:23:33:14
Speaker 1
And, are absolutely going to drain your bank account and your energy levels don't go to those ones. I haven't had that experience yet. Hopefully I never will, thank goodness. But every time I've spent money on a retreat, my life has uplevel in some incredible way. And maybe it would have happened if I was in a retreat, but I'm sure it would have taken ages longer.

00:23:33:16 - 00:24:00:15
Speaker 1
So I'm really grateful that I have had these opportunities to go on these retreats, and I look forward to going on more, because there's always some inner demon that's going in on in here. And I think that the journey never ends. The journey never ends. So if you would like

00:24:00:15 - 00:24:05:01
Speaker 1
ideas for retreats to go on, I can definitely share with you the ones that I've been on.

00:24:05:01 - 00:24:33:01
Speaker 1
I will link whatever needs to be linked below. And you know it's not for the faint of heart. It's not going to be, you know, butterflies and rainbows when you go to the retreat. It's hard work. There were a lot of tears shed. I shared a room. I had a roommate. So if you have trouble sleeping, you might have troubles there.

00:24:33:03 - 00:24:54:06
Speaker 1
You might need to upgrade to the private room. You know, if you're a mother, you probably want to upgrade to the private room. So you get your rest, while you're away from the kids. But, yeah. So if this is something that's on your mind or has been on your mind, I would love to share more about my experience with you.

00:24:54:06 - 00:25:17:02
Speaker 1
If that's what you want to hear from me, send me a message and let me know. But I am who I am today because of those five retreats that I've been on, and I'm so grateful for them, and I'm so grateful to everyone that I meet at them because they've all been incredible.

00:25:17:02 - 00:25:26:22
Speaker 1
Every single one. Like the type of person that pays to go to a retreat, it's just the type of person that I drive with, I guess

00:25:26:22 - 00:25:31:01
Speaker 1
I think that's it for today. See you next time. Bye.